→ I always see spots before my eyes.
DOCTOR: Didn´t
the new glasses help?
PATIENT: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer!
.............................
→ DOCTOR: Are you an organ donor?
PATIENT: No, but
once I donated an old piano to the Army!
....................................
→ Large crowe was surrounding a car accident.
On
hearing about this,
a doc arrived and tried to reach the spot but was
each time he was pushed back.
Finally he shouted: Let me go,
the victim
is my father.
The crowd paved the way for him and then he saw a dead
donkey lying in front of the car!
....................................
→ What is a double-blind study?
Two orthopaedicians
reading an ECG!
............................
→ The man told his doctor that he was not able
to do
all the things around the house that he used to do.
When the dxam was
over he asked:
Now doc, can I have it?
Tell me in plain English what is
wrong with me.
Doc replied: Well, in plain English, you are just lazy.
The man said: OK. Now give me the medical term so that I can tell my
wife!
.............................
→ ´ Help´ came a frantic cry in a train compartment ´
Is there a doctor here?´
´ I an a doctor´ responded a man leaping in
from the next compartment.
´ Who needs help?´
´ I do´ a passenger
responded gladly. ´
Tell me, what is the name of a throat dease
consisting of six letters´!
......................................
→ Man goes to chemist: I want to buy poison.
CHEMIST:
I can´t sell you that. Man shows wife ´s photo.
CHEMIST: Oh, sorry. I
didn´t know you had a prescription!
..................................
→
How do you differentiate the doctors?
GENERAL
PRACTITIONERS: Know nothing and do little.
SURGEONS: Know little and do
everything.
INTERNISTS: Know everything and do nothing.
INTERNISTS: Know everything and do nothing.
PATHOLOGISTS: Know
everything and can do everything but its usually too late!
.......................................
→ How do you tell the difference between male and
female chromosomes?
Pull down their genes!
.................................
→
A woman went to the doctor.DOCTOR: You've got
Tuberculosis.
The shocked woman said: I don't believe you! I want a
second opinion.
DOCTOR: O.K., You're ugly as well!
DOCTOR: O.K., You're ugly as well!
............................
→ PATIENT: I can't control my aggression.
DOC: How
long have you had thus problem?
PATIENT: Who wants to know?
..................................
→ PATIENT: I keep thinking that I'm a pair of
curtains.
DOCTOR: For heaven's sake, pull yourself together!
.............................
→ PATIENT: I have a serious memory problem.
I can't
remember a thing.
DOCTOR: How long have you had this problen?
PATIENT:
What problem?
....................................
→ PATIENT: I think I have swallowed a pillow.
DOCTOR:
How do you feel now?
PATIENT: Ifeel down in the mouth!
....................................
→ PATIENT: I have got only 59 seconds to live.
DOCTOR: Wait a minute!
...............................
→ PAtient: I've swallowed the film from my camera.
DOCTOR: We'll just have to see what develops!
...............................
→ DOCTOR: Your cough sounds much better today.
PATIENT: It should. I practiced all night!
.................................
→ After his annual examination,
patient asked his
doctor: Well, doc, how do I stand?
DOCTOR: That's what puzzles me!
...........................
→
PATIENT: Every morning when I get up and look up in
the mirror,
I feel like throwing up.
What's wrong with me?
DOCTOR: I
don't know, but
your eyesight is perfect!
your eyesight is perfect!
..............................
→ My doctor gave me six months to live.
But when I
couldn't pay the bill,
he gave me six months more!
.......................................
→
After examining an attractive lady,
the doc beamed:
Mrs Smith,
I have got good news for you!
PATIENT: Pardon me,
its Miss
Smith.
DOC: Oh. Well, Mrs Smith,
I have got bad news for you!
52:-( " Doc, what's wrong with me?"
52:-( " Doc, what's wrong with me?"
" Madam, you are too fat, you use
too much rouge and lipstick,
you have hair bleached, you smoke too much
and one other thing - you are in the wrong office.
The doc is next door!
............................
→ A doc used to play a game with some of his of his
young patients to
test their knowledhe of body parts.
One day, while
pointing to a boy's ear, he asked:
Is this your nose?
The child turned
to his mother and
said: Mom, I think we better find a new doc!
.............................
→ Doctor examining a boy in his surgery suddenly
nipped out and asked his receptionist for a screwdriver. A moment later,
he was out again asking for a hammer and a chisel.
When he came out a
third time, the boy's mother asked anxiously:
For goodness' sake,doc!
What's the matter with him?
DOCTOR: I don't know.
I haven't had a chance
to examine him yet.
I 'm still trying to get my bag open!
................................
→ DOCTOR: You should stop taking these sleeping pills
before they become a habit.
PATIENT: Nonsense! I have been taking them
for fifteen years and they haven't become a habit yet!
...............................
→ A psychiatric patient complained so bitterly about
stomach pains that finally the doc decided to operate - and inside the
poor fellow,
he found a bouquet of roses!
DOCTOR: Now, how the hell did
those flowers get in there?
PATIENT: Damned if I know. Let's look at the
card and see who they're from!
..................................
→ NURSE: Who is your family doctor?
PATIENT: Hard to
say.
NURSE: Surely you must know his name.
PATIENT: It's not as easy as
that.
Mom goes to an eye doc, dad to a stomach doc,
my brother is being
treated by a psychiatrist
and I'm under an orthopaedician!
...................................
→ YOUNG DOCTOR: Do you mind if I ask you why you
always ask your patients what they have eaten? OLD DOCTOR: Not at all my
boy. Their food is very important. It helps me gauge my fees!
..................................
→ A man arrived at the psychiatrist's consulting room
in a very distressed state.
He explained: I keep getting these awful
nightmares.
Every night it's the same.
I find muself in a large room
with dozens of gorgeous girls.
PSYCHIATRIST: What's so awful about that?
PATIENT; In the dream, I'm a girl too!
..................................
